i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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