my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
