you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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