hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
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Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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