just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I puked a lego.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
