i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize