if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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