i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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