Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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