once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
