girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
