Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
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I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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