I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
