are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
BRING THE BAGELS
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
