I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
