she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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