I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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