I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
