I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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