I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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