she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
