dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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