12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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