I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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