Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
