Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
