if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Oh god it's open bar.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
