yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
