i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
