im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
