okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
