i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
