Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
