I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
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part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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