When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
