I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So many bounce houses so little time
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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