Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
