There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
