Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
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He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
my poor anus
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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