We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
