We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize