He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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