he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
