the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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