nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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