Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
