pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
