i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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