a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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