she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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