I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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