They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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