You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
