just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
