"it" just moved
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
