Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
