just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
