So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
