well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
