i love accidental penises.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
