It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We are all done wearing pants today
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
