I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
