i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I AM VODKA MAN
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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