i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
