Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
