you guys were way drunker than both of me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
