If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
